Folks, looks are not everything in life. Maybe you watched a ted talk saying appearances are important. Maybe you think how good looking you are determines everything. But it’s just not true. Looks are important, but looks are not everything.

Today we’re going to learn about why looks are not everything in life. Now, let’s begin.

1. The friendship balance

We all have different opinions about what an attractive person looks like, right? It’s often the first thing that you notice about anyone you meet. You might see someone walking down the street, and your eyes can’t help but linger for an extra second or two. You think they’re attractive and that makes an impact on you but does that mean attractiveness is the most important thing in life?

Do only attractive people have a chance of being noticed or leading successful lives? mm-hmm, not at all! In fact, on a list of important qualities, attraction is a lot lower than you might think, especially in the world of romance.

Now, I’m sure you’ve heard this claim before and just rolled your eyes, but it’s not just a myth. People like to tell themselves it’s actually true. A 2014 study tested this exact claim by looking at all the different reasons why people choose their romantic partners. In long-term relationships, it turns out compatibility outweighed physical attraction every step of the way.

In other words, the best relationships and even the strongest friendships are not built upon that generic physical attraction. It’s not the same kind of attraction you feel towards some random person on the streets and lasting relationships.

Over time, you’ve built a solid friendship which gradually evolves into romance in the mind of your partner. That doesn’t just make you a better friend. It actually makes you a more attractive companion.

Okay, if you don’t believe me, another study from 2015 asked a similar question. They examined whether less attractive partners became more attractive, the longer their relationship lasts. In short-term relationships, they found that the attractiveness level was about even between partners. In other words, when having a sure fling, people tend to pay more attention to someone’s baseline attractiveness but in long-term relationships like marriages, it works completely different.

There’s almost always a large disparity between the two partners. Objectively, one looks a lot more attractive than the other, but that long-standing connection evens the playing field. It’s almost like friendship changes your vision of what it means to be attractive but your preferences don’t actually change. You just experience a different kind of attraction.

This kind of attraction which you’ll find in long-term relationships is intrinsic to one specific person in your mind -no one’s attractive, quite like they are. It’s not because they’re actually the most attractive person in the world, it’s because you have friendship value and happy memories that create this all-around attraction to a single individual.

In the same way, if you find someone who you think is generically attractive, they might lose attractiveness over time. Even though you might stare at them on the streets, that friendship value may not exist. So, your emotional disconnection pushes them away, and they become so intrinsically unattractive you have to end the relationship.

My point is that even in a romantic context where you think your appearance carries the most weight; it’s not the most important thing because lasting attractiveness is something you build over time. It’s not something you spot walking on the street.

Also read: 10 Proven Signs A Girl Likes You

2. Physical confidence

Attraction is not always something you’re born with. In many ways, it’s something you wear every day like the hair on your head or the clothes on your back. When you go out in the world, you make a choice to be more or less attractive.

You can change the way people perceive you at the drop of a hat because self-confidence actually controls how attractive you appear. This is best demonstrated by a study from 2009. Researchers had women rate the attractiveness of a group of men based on photos and videos. But here’s the catch, while taking their photos, researchers had those men we’re one of two types of body spray one smelled great, and the other didn’t smell like anything.

The point of the spray was to give one group more confidence than the other. So, did it work? The answer was a resounding, yes! When the female judges saw a video of the guys photoshoots, they gave the good smelling men a much higher attractiveness rating.

Also read: 7 Psychology Tricks to Build Unstoppable Confidence

The women had no idea there were different smells involved, yet the first group of guys appeared more attractive than the second. In other words, that boost of confidence completely changed the way they were perceived and it made them more attractive.

So, what does that mean for you? It means that feeling confident in your personality, your attitude and your physical style can change how people see you. So, make an effort with your clothes and your personal hygiene. Be confident in the things you say and most of all, don’t be embarrassed about who you are.

At the end of the day, you have to like yourself. You have your own quirks and weaknesses. If you can do that you’ll be more attractive to anyone you meet.

Also read: How to Stop Being Nervous & Awkward

3. A desire for humour

Several years ago, a French study found that women respond better to humour than good looks. In fact, they almost always chose less attractive funnier guys over more attractive guys with no sense of humour. Why is that? Well, because a good sense of humour actually raises your individual attractiveness.

It makes you seem more confident, likeable and relatable – all of which build that stronger emotional connection. But this isn’t true for just romantic relationships; it works the same way in interviews or when you’re trying to meet new friends.

You can easily make yourself more appealing by cracking a joke or making them smile. People will automatically think you’re a sociable and intelligent person which usually means they’ll want to spend more time with you in the future.

4. Meeting the minimum

I’m sure you’ve heard about the social benefits of being attractive dozens of times. You’ve heard how it helps you succeed in business, how it helps you make more connections and get noticed in the world. It feels like you have to be the most attractive person out there but you don’t have to be stunningly beautiful just to make your way in the world.

According to a 2006 study, the major benefits of being attractive only go so far to make that positive impact. You just have to reach a minimum level of attractiveness. You don’t have to hit some crazy high standard. You don’t have to be a model just to leave a good impression.

Once you’ve made it past the minimum, very few people will ever do anything differently. The tricky part is everyone has their own definition of the minimum. For exceptionally attractive people, the minimum may be pretty high, but luckily most of the world is not exceptionally attractive.

Most of the world is average which means their minimum is around the same level. So, if you weren’t born with a great bone structure or flowing locks of hair, don’t worry those beautiful features aren’t necessary to get around in the world.

Yeah, they’d be nice sure, but the minimum is really all you need to worry about.

5. The attractiveness of altruism

According to a 2016 study, altruistic people are more attractive to potential partners, and they have much more eventful dating lives. Even if they’re objectively less attractive than other people, their altruism draws in all kinds of romantic opportunities.

These individuals had more frequent short-term relationships, more successful long-term relationships and more success with romance across the board. For example, let’s say altruism could be measured by your donations to charity. People who willingly donate their own money to someone in need are also much more likely to find a lifetime romantic partner.

Non-altruistic people, on the other hand, won’t do as well in the dating scene. They’re usually less successful with both short and long term dating and they’re especially bad at finding lifetime connections.

So, what can we learn from all this?

Being altruistic doesn’t just make you a better person; it has a much larger impact on your life than you’d expect.

6. Personal priorities

You can’t establish a real relationship based solely on good looks. Not just because you have to get along but because your lives also have to make sense together. You and y

Our partner have to share certain opinions. Your values have to line up, and your priorities have to be in sync.

This can be hard to find with really good-looking people because many of the most attractive individuals pay too much attention to their looks, and that can easily influence the way they interact with the world. They might be vain or narcissistic; maybe they just rely too much on their sexuality.

Also read: 12 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship

Whatever it is, good looks can actually undermine your personality. When you’re used to being average, you learn how to navigate the world without relying on your looks. You don’t try to bond with people over how attractive you both are.

Other values and priorities loom so much larger in your mind, and that’s what makes you a better partner in the long run.

Sources:

Science Proves It: Looks Don’t Always Matter

Relational mate value: consensus and uniqueness in romantic evaluations.

Longer acquaintance levels the romantic playing field

How much do looks actually matter?

Manipulation of body odour alters men’s self-confidence and judgements of their visual attractiveness by women.

Does Everyone Find Confidence Attractive?

Why Physical Attraction Matters, and When It Might Not

Altruism predicts mating success in humans

Are Women More Attracted to Men Who Court Them with Humor?