In this article, you learn how to be more popular in school, whether it’s high school, middle school, or at a completely new school. If you want to become popular, you can’t be a mean person or social outcast. That’s the first and most important thing. Learn more by reading the rest of this article.
You don’t have to be aggressive and cruel to be popular. It’s true that some popular kids do use aggression to stay on top of the social food chain. They put others down, and they bully unpopular students. Many of them turn popularity into a ruthless competition but even if they are popular these kids don’t have healthy social lives.
In fact, the top 10% is often as universally disliked as the bottom 10%. So, these powerful kids struggle to honestly connect with anyone. Their consistent aggression ruins any chance of developing stable friendships.
Oh, sure you admire them now but antisocial popularity isn’t good for you in the long run. So, if you want to be well-liked in school, don’t aim for the top 10% aim for that sweet spot just right there below. These pro-social kids know that popularity doesn’t need to be a hostile experience. They make plenty of friends without ever acting aggressively toward anyone.
Instead, they’re kind, friendly and easy to talk to. In other words, a foolproof way to gain popularity is to be a genuinely nice person.
Also read: How to STOP Being Shy and Awkward (FOREVER)
School is a conflict heavy environment -between gossip, bullying, and harsh social expectations, tempers are flaring left and right but most kids just stand by and watch. They choose to be bystanders. Why is that? Well, because they’re worried about their own social standing they think they’ll become the next target if they intervene.
It’s one of the biggest reasons why bullying is so common. Now, of course, pro-social kids do things a little differently. For starters, they’re experts at conflict resolution and they’re not scared to take action. They’re the first ones to intervene when someone needs them even if it’s an unpopular student but they don’t pit violence against violence.
Pro-social kids dissolve conflicts by lifting people’s spirits. Now, sometimes humor is a great way to steer a heated conversation in a different direction. Other times you may need to pull someone aside that way you can understand the heart of the problem. Either way, try to play an active role even if everyone else is too scared. Take a stand anyway – I guarantee people will like and respect you for it.
In school, social standing feels like the end-all ball but focusing too much on popularity isn’t doing you any favors. It actually distorts your perception of healthy relationships. In a social hierarchy, kids are taught to prioritize connections with people at higher ranks. In other words, popular friends are worth more than unpopular friends but we pay so much attention to popularity that we forget to look at the quality of our relationships.
The popular student might treat you terribly. You too might have nothing in common yet you cling to this unhealthy relationship while the good ones just slip through your fingers. So, pay less attention to becoming popular and more to the kind of people that you like spending time with.
Also read: 7 Psychology Tricks to Build Unstoppable Confidence
Real popularity doesn’t come from a hundred shallow friendships. Some kids try to increase their social standing by meeting as many people as possible but popularity isn’t just a numbers game. Don’t worry about being the most well-known person in the room. You’ll have more success if you focus on quality over quantity.
Try to form meaningful bonds with the people you meet. Remember their name, and have a real conversation with them – you don’t want them to think of you as some random person they met in the hallway. You want them to consider you a friend because those memorable connections create real popularity.
Also read: 4 Strategies to stop caring what people think
Believe it or not, intelligence and popularity go hand-in-hand. Countless studies have found that pro-social students are almost always successful in school. They care about their grades, they spend more time studying than going to parties.
Yeah, I know you’ve probably heard the opposite – that popular kids don’t try in school well. That’s not completely untrue. Anti-social popular kids who often dominate the top 10% – they do tend to underperform academically but the students with the most friends really do excel in school.Don't be afraid to prioritize your academic success - just make sure your grades don't define you. That's where most smart kids run into trouble. Click To Tweet
Understanding social norms is an important part of popularity but there’s a big difference between grasping social norms and being consumed by them. So, if you want to be popular, you should know what people like, what clothes they are wearing, what trends they are following, what’s cool and what isn’t.Norms are good things to be aware of as long as they don't control your life. Click To Tweet
Just imagine a new social media platform is making the rounds through your school. It’s helpful if you know what it is. You might even make an account but you shouldn’t waste hours on your profile just to fit in.
The most well-liked people are much more than a collection of trends and fads. So, don’t let social norms stop you from being yourself.
You’ve spent the last two years of high school at the bottom of the barrel. You have a few close friends but socially well, you’re kind of invisible and then one day you start talking to the most popular person in your grade and you hit it off.
It turns out you have a few things in common. So, they invite you to hang out with them. Obviously, this is a huge social leap forward. You’ve never been part of the top 10% so you’re over the moon but your friends aren’t nearly as happy about that.
They remind you how badly the popular kids treat other students but you’re too excited to care. You end up turning your back on your old friends to spend time with your new ones. Unfortunately, that decision will come back to bite you in the blink of an eye.
The popular crowd kicks you out. You try to go back to your old friends but they feel betrayed. You basically abandon them. Adolescent psychology tells us that trust and loyalty are the most important parts of a strong friendship.To increase your social standing, remember that popularity isn't about upgrading your friends. Stay loyal to the people who've stood by you whether you're popular or not. These are the friends you can always count on. Click To Tweet
Learning to accept your current social standing can increase your popularity. A 2011 study interviewed a sample of students at two different intervals exactly one year apart. Researchers wanted to see how students who accepted their social position developed from year to year.
Regardless of their actual rank, these students excelled over time but their counterparts weren’t so lucky. Students who were unhappy with their social standing experienced a steady decline many of these kids convinced themselves that they weren’t fitting in.
They were desperate to be liked but their desperation was hurting their relationships and their self-esteem. So, what happened? These kids accidentally created a self-fulfilling prophecy. They were too worried about becoming unpopular. So, that’s exactly what happened. Stop yourself from making the same mistake.Before you try to increase your popularity come to terms with your current social position you might discover that you're happy right where you are. Click To Tweet
Finding your niche is an effective way to strengthen your circle. It doesn’t really matter what your niche is. Maybe you’re into acting or playing a sport or building robots all these niches give you a particular social role to play. Normally, you’d have to wade through the general population to find other students you click with.
It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. A niche narrows down your options. It shows you a group of people who share the same interests. When you already know you have something in common, it’s much easier to form lasting friendships.
Kids who are pro-social popular go out of their way to help other students. They make great partners on projects and they’re always looking for ways to improve their community. But pro-social kids aren’t just helpful, people go out of their way to ask them for support. Why? Well, because everyone feels safe and comfortable around them.
You’re not afraid of looking stupid, you’re not worried that they’ll make fun of you if you want to be more popular let people know there’s nothing to be scared of.
Leadership roles are a great way to get your name out there when you feel like no one knows who you are. Groups like Student Government give you access for the entire student body. You’ll have a chance to interact with tons of people on a regular basis.Even if you think you're unpopular, a leadership position may be the perfect way to give your social standing a boost. Click To Tweet
We’ve talked a lot about increasing your popularity but once you get there how do you stay popular? Remember that social success isn’t an excuse to abuse your power. Just because you have lots of friends doesn’t mean you’re better or worse than anyone else.
Many kids who are new to popularity feel the need to prove themselves. They act aggressively toward their peers because they think they have to otherwise they won’t stay on top but there’s a much better way – be kind be helpful and don’t take your friends for granted.
Also read: 5 Simple ways to make people like you
Popularity and Adolescents’ Perceptions of Acceptance
Popularity, social acceptance, and aggression in adolescent peer groups
Popularity in Early Adolescence: Prosocial and Antisocial Subtypes