Think about a typical story of good versus evil. More often than not the hero and villain are identified within the first few pages yet it takes an entire novel for the good guys to inevitably triumph over the bad. But we all knew it would happen. So, why not tell us how it ends sooner? Why not save us the time and effort by jumping to the conclusion as quickly as possible?
You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this. Well, it’s because this is how men instinctively view flirting, – as a grueling time waster that just stands in the way of their happy ending. The truth is that this mindset is holding them back because any story, fact or fiction is about the journey, not the destination.
A hero’s victory doesn’t mean anything if you don’t care about them and their struggle. You read every page of the book or watch every minute of the movie to learn why and how the destination matters.
I’m here to tell you that flirting serves the exact same purpose, especially for women. Flirting slowly but surely builds the relationships potential ensuring that the payoff is meaningful and exciting. It is as much about getting to know each other as it is about discovering whether or not the conclusion is worthwhile.
If she feels rushed or bored when flirting with you she won’t bother to stick around until the end. On the other hand, if she agrees to jump into a relationship without flirting it wouldn’t mean anything to her and unfortunately won’t last long.
Therefore, the secret to flirting is a change in mindset; focus on exploring and amplifying the journey instead of just rushing through it. You want to use this period of subtlety and ambiguity to your advantage by getting her excited about you. Keeping that in mind, let’s dive into six strategies to help you successfully navigate this complicated yet rewarding process all the way to the end.
Subtle definition 1. (especially of a change or distinction) so delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyze or describe.) 2(making use of clever and indirect methods to achieve something.)
It’s no secret that men naturally prefer direct and upfront communication. When something’s wrong, men identify and fix it instead of dancing around. The point this might work great for daily issues but flirting is an entirely different breed of problem.
At school or work your focus is on meeting deadlines and completing specific objectives which direct problem-solving is great for but flirting is much closer to abstract projects like art or music. It requires real emotion and spontaneity lacking any real format or structure until you give it one.
Flirting revolves around indirect communication to create the shape of the relationship as you go. For example, you could subtly inject a bit of sexual tension into what would normally be a platonic moment, therefore, taking your story in a new direction. But that isn’t the only advantage of being indirect; you can also think of subtlety as a sort of practice run – a way to test the waters before saying the real thing. This way you minimize the risk of ruining the relationship with an unwanted or poorly timed comment.
If you take advantage of these early stages to get a better understanding of her and her boundaries you’ll know exactly how to take the relationship to the next level in a way that is personal and meaningful to her.
Also read: 10 Proven Signs A Girl Likes You
One of the most effective ways to use indirect communication to your advantage is through bantering. Bantering is when you engage her in a playful back-and-forth and is a perfect way to liven up a conversation while unraveling any tension she might be feeling. Whether you are teasing her lightly about something she said or switching the rules around; bantering always requires positive body language and awareness of boundaries.
Starting with the former, a smile can oftentimes be the difference between a joke and an insult, letting her know immediately that what you’re about to say shouldn’t be taken seriously. It’s really important to keep this consistent while you banter to let her know that you aren’t getting offended. So be sure to smile, face her directly and maintain eye contact. The same rules apply to her. So, pay attention to her body language before and after you tease her.
If you notice her angling away from you or getting suddenly quiet you may have hit a sore spot. Remember how I said indirect communication is great for establishing boundaries? Well, this is a perfect example. Now you know for next time not to tease her about that particular subject while hopefully not doing enough damage to destroy your chances.
The most impactful and sympathetic characters in just about every book or movie have one thing in common – depth, while they are detailed and well designed. I’m referring specifically to the fact that we are constantly learning new things about them as the story goes on and since we’re committed enough to them; we genuinely care when we learn new details about their life or background.
You can use this same approach to create more interest, mystery, and excitement in the early stages of the relationship instead of spilling your guts as soon as you meet.
Give her enough detail to relate to you but not enough to really know you. She should feel like she’s always discovering new parts of who you are every time you talk; turning each new story into a reward. She’s earning by investing so much time into you.
Girls love this kind of mystery and often say it’s one of the most attractive traits a man can have. Over time you’ll also find that this kind of personal information becomes more powerful if you tell her about something like a tragic event too early.
She’ll inevitably feel uncomfortable because the two of you aren’t close enough yet for her to care. But if you wait, she can place her life story within the context of your personality. She’ll begin to feel like she really understands you which establishes a unique of closeness that she’ll never want to let go of.
One of the hardest parts of flirting is making the meaning stick. The two of you could have a few amazing conversations together but that doesn’t guarantee that the same positive feelings will stick around until next time especially if you don’t see each other that often. So the best way to ensure that she’ll remember you is to give her a momento – some sort of physical object to symbolize you as a potential partner but this doesn’t mean you have to buy her something rare or expensive.
In fact, the best momentos are often stupid and forgettable because the important part isn’t the object itself but the meaning attached to it. Pick something that made her laugh for example like a weird stuffed animal. That way every time she looks at it she’ll remember how much fun she had with you.
Not only does this ensure that you’re on her mind even when you’re not there but by keeping it around instead of throwing it away she’s also making a physical and emotional investment in you.
These tokens only grow more meaningful the longer you’re together. If you get a good one early it’ll transform from a dumb present into a symbol of your budding relationship in no time.
Who doesn’t love a surprise twist to liven up a boring story? These surprising changes ignite a new fire under you to keep reading or watching, getting you excited to find out where this new arc will take you again.
Flirting isn’t much different because spontaneity is crucial to get and keep a girl’s attention. Too many guys make the mistake of thinking there is a right time and place for every stage of the relationship. They think they’re supposed to ask for her number at the end of their first conversation or kiss her at the end of the first date so that’s exactly what they do. But girls know when you’re only doing something because you think you should and they’re turned off by it.
It’s tempting to try to instill some kind of order on this whole process but no girl wants their romance to look just like every other cookie-cutter relationship would. The time you spend flirting should be unique to the two of you, sharing memorable moments that make her excited about the future. So, if you start surprising her with fun and romantic gestures she’ll be continuously excited to see you.
If you’ve been flirting with a girl for a while, chances are you’ve probably come up with a few inside jokes. They may be dumb or childish but these jokes allow you to strengthen a relationship.
In a relaxed light-hearted way, inside jokes establish a one-of-a-kind bond between the two of you while giving your relationship its first bit of history. They isolate you and her within your own special bubble becoming the only two people in the world to know why the joke is funny.
By referencing a joke a while after it happened, you’re also telling her how important she is to you by showing that your conversations are worth remembering. If you play your cards right you can keep an inside-joke going for weeks months or even years. Each time it will create a funny sense of nostalgia and remind her of how much emotion she’s invested in you.