12 Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Many people see the signs of a toxic relationship, but don’t know what they are. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it’s important that you have insight into your issues and can face them head-on. Staying in a toxic relationship can really hurt, so it’s good to know when it may be time to move on or seek help. Here are 12 warning signs of a toxic relationship.

1. Feeling ashamed of your personality

Let’s say, your partner loves to go dancing. They go with their friends almost every weekend but for some reason, you’ve never gone together. So, that weekend you asked if you can tag along.

Dancing with your partner is supposed to be fun, right? But they don’t seem very excited. In fact, they try convincing you not to go.

So, what’s the problem? Your partner might be ashamed of you. They’re worried you’ll embarrass them in front of their friends.

This kind of shame is a huge problem but not because there’s anything wrong with you.

Many people will say oh, it doesn’t matter. But it does. It matters a lot. It’s especially important for your self-esteem.

Shame tells you there’s something your partner can’t accept. But how can you feel confident when your best friend isn’t proud of you?

If this sounds like your relationship, it might be time to make a change. However, before you do, keep this in mind – everyone does something embarrassing every once in a while. You might say something stupid or trip over your own feet.

Hey, it’s okay if your partner’s embarrassed by some random thing you did. That happens to everyone but shame is a whole different animal.

Your partner should never be embarrassed about your personality. If they are, your relationship might be more toxic than you realize.

Also read: 4 Strategies to stop caring what people think

2. Belittling your responsibilities

A good friend of yours runs his own company, it took off a few years back and you’ve been nothing but supportive. One day he calls you while you’re at work. He says he needs a favor. You tell him you can’t because you’re at the office but he doesn’t take no for an answer.

He tells you to blow off your work and help him instead. This is a classic example of a toxic friendship. Because of his recent success, your friend starts belittling your job. In his mind, your work is less important than his.

The problem is he doesn’t respect your priorities. He thinks your friendship is all about him so he starts acting like your boss. You can’t let these disrespectful friends control your life.

These relationships get incredibly toxic incredibly fast. So, either face the issue head-on or spend your time with someone else.

3. Reckless oversharing

Every couple has their own private world. You have your own jokes, you have your own secrets you tell each other – things that no one else knows. But what if your partner spills all those secrets to their parents or their friends?

This is a huge warning sign in a relationship. If they can’t keep your secrets, how can you trust them down the road?

Also read: 12 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship

4. Making you the last to know

In any relationship, communication is key but some toxic partners will make you feel like you’re always the last one to know. Do they take trips without giving you a heads up? Do they make major life decisions without even asking for your opinion?

Sometimes, it’s on purpose. They may not care about your opinion or maybe they feel indifferent toward the entire relationship. Other times toxic partners don’t realize what they’re doing wrong but if you tell them and they still don’t change, well that’s a big red flag.

5. Settling for unhappiness

Let’s say you buy a new pair of headphones, you take them home. You open them up and you find out they’re broken. Do you pretend everything’s fine or do you try to get your money back?

When a relationship starts falling apart, people get scared to ask for their money back. You claim you’re fine with the way things are. Yeah, you could make a change or even in the relationship but instead, you settle for someone that doesn’t make you happy and that’s never a good idea.

People settle for a bunch of different reasons. Maybe, you think your partner is the best you can do. You might be terrified of being alone but the most popular reason is you’re scared of breaking up.

No one wants to be the bad guy but settling isn’t the answer. Settling means the relationship has lost its magic. It isn’t based on love anymore. You’re not there because you care for this one specific person. You’re there because you’re avoiding something else.

Unfortunately, it isn’t always an obvious problem. Unhappy relationships may look strong on the outside while crumbling on the inside. However, over time, settling will lessen your investment in the relationship and damage your partner’s self-esteem.

6. Overwhelming emotional stress

You want to spend most of your time feeling relaxed being in each other’s company. It should almost always be a positive experience and if it’s not, there’s something wrong in the relationship. The hard part is, it may not be anyone’s fault.

Sometimes you can be healthy as individuals but a disaster as a couple. It could come from pent-up anger or maybe you both feel unsatisfied. Whatever your reason is, emotionally exhausting relationships do more harm than good.

Also read: Happiness: 12 Rules to Live a Happy Life

7. Diverging priorities

Your partner has always been a hard worker. They love their job so much so that it gets in the way of the relationship. If you’re the same way, then you two sound like a perfect match but if not you might have a bigger problem.

One person shouldn’t be putting in significantly more effort than the other. It creates a vicious cycle of neglect and frustration. So, when it comes to your relationship, make sure that you and your partner have similar priorities.

8. Barbed humor

There’s nothing wrong with teasing your partner as long as you keep things light and respectful. It’s almost like a game. You poke fun at them, they poke fun at you and then you both laugh about it. You’re not seriously criticizing each other but toxic partners cross that line.

Barbed humor is especially painful coming from a partner or close friend. They know you on a very personal level so they know what you’re sensitive about. The best thing you can do is stand up for yourself.

Now, of course, that doesn’t always work. Toxic partners often pretend that it’s your fault. They might say why are you being so sensitive or why can’t you take a joke.

This kind of barbed humor means that your relationship has gotten toxic. So, don’t sit around and wait for things to get any worse.

9. Identity fusion

Couples should be close. Just not too close. You’re not the same person, you should always have your own separate passions and goals. For example, if they really like sports that doesn’t mean you have to.

Lots of insecure couples make this same mistake. They get scared of falling apart so they merge their lives together. They share everything: likes, dislikes, hobbies, and even their opinions.

However, these couples are volatile. A tiny disagreement can easily turn into a massive fight. You’re working so hard to stay together that you’re driving each other away.

Also read: 5 Simple ways to make people like you

10. Two-faced complaints

Let’s say you do something that annoys your friend. Instead of telling you, they pretend everything’s fine but right after you leave, they immediately complain to someone else.

They can’t stop talking about how annoying you are until you come back then suddenly everything’s fine again. Chances are they’re not interested in fixing these problems. They’re just looking for attention. Even if it comes at your expense.

11. Relentless criticism

Is your partner hypercritical of everything you do? Some relationships are so toxic that people are scared to act like themselves. There’s a constant air of judgment and tension. You’re always worried about what they’re going to say next.

That’s not how a healthy relationship works. You should rely on your partner for support. You need them to build you up. They should give you the confidence to embrace who you are and not the other way around.

12. Insecure manipulation

Relationships should be a choice. You have the freedom to stay just like you have the freedom to leave. But what if your partner isn’t letting you choose?

Emotional manipulation is a surefire sign of a toxic relationship. Your partner might be insecure so they make you feel guilty or they attack your character.

Even if they’re just scared of losing you, manipulation is never healthy. It shows that they don’t trust you. Otherwise, they wouldn’t worry about you leaving. So. don’t let this kind of manipulation slide. Not only is it toxic for you, it’s also toxic for them too.

Sources:

6 Reasons Why We Stay in Bad Relationships

35 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Toxic Friendships

The 9 Most Common Relationship Mistakes

The Psychology Behind Remaining in Toxic Relationships

10 Habits Of People In The Most Toxic Relationships

How to Identify and Inoculate a Toxic Friendship